wanted-big black dick for crazy white tweaker

The other night a seemingly normal customer was previewing a movie.he didn’t even seem high.then her came out talking about the whole network of people involved in fucking with him and his life.he asked me not to take part when they ask Me to help with his intervention.

I told him they usually don’t ask the porn clerk to join in on that.

He said they have been spraying him and his house with chemicals.now I remembered him.he was standing on chairs to find the people in the rafters about a month ago.

His19yo pregnant girlfriend Is also in on it.he had a pregnant teenage girlfriend.God help her.

He thinks the whole elaborate yearlong plot Is to get him to stop doing drugs because after all it only happens when he is high.

I asked him if there was any rich person that really wanted him to quit doing drugs.
No.

I told him that whether it’s true or not the best thing he could do I’d not go telling everybody or anybody his suspicions .

He said they are evil and if he had a gun her would shoot them .I told him he probably shouldn’t go telling a store full of people that either.

The crazy guy also told me that although he’s straight ,he really wants to get Fucked by a big black dick and if any black guys came in the store to just have them go on in his booth and fuck him. That was before I knew he was suffering from drug induced schizophrenia.

Imagine how it would have turned out if I’d done that.actually imagine me stopping every black guy with that offer.

“I couldn’t help noticing that you are black.I assume you also have a big black cock,am I right? Well have I got an offer for you!”

sexual horror stories: the lost phone

I could probably use any number of my own experiences as cautionary Sex stories. Here’s another one with an important lesson.

About a year ago I was having a few drinks with my cousin at a janky little bar attached to a Chinese resultant. On our way out I realized I didn’t have my phone with me and went back in to get it but it wasn’t sitting on the bar where we were sitting. I assumed it was at home somewhere. Not being able to find my phone isn’t new so I wasn’t all that concerned. It would turn up.

The next day I was lying in bed with my boyfriend when his phone beeped. After checking the text he asked me why I sent him a video of me sucking someone’s cock.huh? He handed me his phone and sure enough there was a video of myself with a dick in my mouth sent from me.

Suddenly the reality of what was happening hit me in the balls and my stomach filled with anxiety over the worst case scenarios. Somebody had my phone, which was full of x rated pics and videos staring yours truly.I have never worked so fast about clearing up a problem with an account. I had the phone shut off immediately preventing whomever it was from causing any further damage. It meant that I wasn’t able to try and call the evil fuck who had my phone and confront them but I needed to cut them off!

I called my cousin and asked if she had gotten any weird messages from me. “No” she replied. Thank God. “Unless you count the blow job video you just sent” fuck me! Um yeah that counts as weird. Who else had been sent what else? I quickly did an inventory of what exactly I had on my phone. Some cock and ass shots (I’m pretty sure I had deleted any that I didn’t think we’re flattering), the previously mentioned video and one of me fucking someone. It could have been worse I guess. At least there wasn’t anything kinky. Now I had to find out who on my contact list had been contacted.

I soon found out. Pictures had been sent to my brother, a male cousin , another cousin’s girlfriend(who said I had a nice dick)and my pot dealer before I could warn them. My brother said when he got a dirty picture he texted back asking if I had sent him that on accident and the dick cunt pretending to be me answered back “you know you like it” Thankfully he was pretty sure I wouldn’t have done that. I put my brother in charge of getting to my mom’s phone and erasing anything sent from my phone before she could see it. I’m sure she wouldn’t have been bragging to her friends how well her son could take a hard face fucking.
I also got to my sister before she got to know me in a way a little sister shouldn’t get to know her big brother.

I used my T Mobile account to access any calls the fuck tard had made or received and started calling them. Apparently he had used my picture to put an ad on craigslist asking for guys to send him their dirty pictures. The one guy I talked to told me when he sent the guy his dick pics the guy sent him a rant about what a pervert he was and how he was turning him into the police. The police? Over a dick pic?

So the guy was a moralizing holier than thou who had decided to punish a sinner like me while he himself was being a nasty pervert getting off on possibly destroying someones life. Thankfully the people in my life are cool enough and used to me that this didn’t ruin any relationships. If I was hooking up with other guys in secret this could have just ended my relationship. I think he just sent stuff to people I had recently texted so you don’t know how relieved both me and my partner were that I hadn’t texted any of his sister recently. Not everyone knows or needs to know that we have an open relationship. Three are countless scenarios in which a “prank” like this could have really fucked someone badly. In my case it just became a pretty good story with a very important lesson. If you have x rated material of yourself in your phone or tablet (and for me it would be impossible not to what with there being a camera) Protect it with a password!!!

the stars think your all a bunch of sickos. your fetish by sign

After all my efforts and forced patience I finally gained the trust of you sad sick little star signs and now it's time to pay up or you will be exposed.

Aries- you rams truely are the babies of the zodiac. It's always feed me, cloth me suck me fuck me. Me me me. It should be obvious that you would take it to the extreme and be the one with the diaper fetish and I have the pictures to prove it. You're a dirty little autonepiophille.

Taurus- you are lazy. You can sometimes literally be a human lazy Susan. Or a human piece of shelving. As long as someone puts a coffee table book on you your happy. Your a fornaphille or what I call an ikeaphille and it's a weird form of bondage where you become human furniture. Weirdo.

Gemini

What aren't you into? A little of this a little of that. One day your a panty wearing slut the next you have some little Japanese business man tied to a cross. What you are is narcissistic. You just want all the freaks and weirdos to want you and be in awe of your hard core perviness when what your really into is making other people into you.

Cancer- although you seem to be into everything like Gemini your actually only such a pervert because you want to be loved. Gemini does it for the applause, you do it because you didn't get enough love as a child and now you have this big empty hole that you try to fill with bigger and bigger things. You nasty. Go cry aboutit.

Leo-do you hear that Leo-? It's the sound of a cancer crying. Is it making you hard? Of course it is you sicko. what you are is a 

Dacryphilie. You get off on the tears of others you big asshole.

Virgo- church is your porn store and those confessionals  are your jack booths. You can't decide which is hotter the movie passion of the Christ or the scene in the exorcist when Reagan masturbates with the crucifix. It's called HIEROPHILia. Religious and sacred symbols get your ass in the pews.

Libra-your really into cars aren't you? No I mean really into them. Those sexy cold steel machines. You just want to get that ford charger alone in the garage don't you. How bout a cute little Volkswagen? Hell you'll do a maytag washer and dryer threesome. Your a 

MECHANOPHILIA.

Scorpio- everybody knows what a perv you are. We have all had an experience with a Scorpio that rocked our very soul that we never tell anybody about and are a little ashamed at the acts you got us to do. But how would the world look at you if they knew the original deviant really just wanted to cuddle after doing it in the missionary position with the lights off?

Sagittarius- I would have pegged you more of a horse person. Birds huh? Really birds? Your a into

AVISODOMY

Capricorn- nobody fucking cares what your into. You probably like doing your taxes or being a good citizen or your a cannibal. Who cares?

Aquarius-so what if you like clown porn? It's porn which is hot. It's with scary clowns which makes it hotter. When the circus comes to town it's like your fleet week.

Pices- your into trees you fucking hippy.I guess when your as hung as the stars say you are you need a big peice of wood to match. What does that bitch elm slut have that I don't besides a nasty case of tree rot?  Your into

DENDROPHILIA

and now for something completely different: a little clown porn

who the bleep pays for porn?

Sometime last week a customer brought two DVDs to the counter. There didn't seem to be anything special about them. One was an all black gay gang bang, which we don't have many of and the other looked like your typical non dress decrepit gay porn. Just normal fucking. No special kinks. No water sports or bondage.I don't even think it was bareback. What stood out for me was the price. They were each $60. That some isn't unusual, but the fact that he would be willing to spend $120 on two movies was.

Most of the porn that we actually sell is probably the four hour compilations for $7.95 or 4 for $20. There are many other movies for up to $80 but most people either rent out preview those. Customers rarely fork over that kind of cash. I even wonder why anybody would buy the cheap porn. Has nobody told them about the internet? I could believe that 1\4 of our customers have lived in recluse since 1988 and only venture out to get enough fuck flicks to sustain them for the winter. And if you told me a big chuck of our little pervs started doing drugs heavily in the early 80's and have been stuck in a Reagan administration time warp ever since I wouldn't argue with you. Just glancing at one of my regulars with the same perm Anthony Geary rocked so hard as during the Luke and Laura days of General Hospital proves that point. I know not everyone has a computer or smart phone, but plenty of guys that do still buy porn.
     I have an app on my tablet that let's me watch the full versions of most any porn I'm looking for without even downloading it (it's called my vidster, your welcome). I've searched for review of local Thai restaurants and found myself neck deep in Asian tranny cream pie videos. Is the internet, porn is all around. You can't miss it.
    Speaking for myself I'm usually fast forwarding through even the good stuff and I can't remember when I watched the same movie twice... Not when there is a never ending supply vying for my attention.
     I'm grateful there are still people out there who still seek out and pay for a hard copy of the latest Belladonna movie. I just don't understand why.

your super powered horoscope

its time for a

All Super powered Astrological Extravaganza!!

Aries- After one too many x-rays from the janky back alley dentist you insist on going to your body will start to go through some amazing changes. The little bunny tail that doctors removed when you were a baby regrows fluffier and hoppier than ever and those horns your parents tried to saw off grow powerful and majestic. Combine that with your super ego and your almost a super hero. It will kind of kill your sex live though, unless you want to sleep with those freaks that find your bunny tail hot.


Taurus- In a freak cooking accident you will be infused with the power of 1000 garlic cloves which gives you the power of pretty much clearing out any room that you walk into.

Gemini- You start to think somethings a little off when you begin waking up wearing what looks like Dolly Partons Wardrobe and Wigs. The fact that your sharing your bed with groups of strange men is kind of suspicious as well. But you can't ignore the hundreds of Cher, Gloria Gaynor and Helen Reddy songs that are downloaded on your computer. It can only mean one thing. You have developed another personality which is obviously a drag queen with awful taste. You can tell by the quality of men lying next to you every morning. You soon find out its not an ordinary drag queen, but one with superpowers, including super no smear lip gloss and amazing powers to make others feel bad about themselves.

Cancer-your already super emotional and a super dirty slut. Now you want super powers?

Leo-A run in with a a radioactive Lion leaves you with a super human roar, a huge mane of super conditioned hair and one less arm than you started with. You form the Super Villain Elks Club of Doom and start recruiting other villains just as lame as you are.

Virgo- You finally put your super sex drive and knack for picking up the more minor STD's to good use when Lion Person (you may be super villain but your gender neutral for the sake of PC)recruits you to join his villain Club. With your army of crabs, scabies and for some reason ducks will take over the world. Or at least a few sex clubs.Watch out world..here comes Super Tramp!!

Libra-During a routine drug deal you accidentally smoke some radio-active (radio-active again? really?) pot giving you the ability to be Super Stoned for long periods of time, leaving you in a pretty good mood, but a major suck ass at either fighting or causing much crime.

Scorpio- During a school field trip you are bitten by a radioactive scorpion (For real, no more radioactivity, dude. Can't someone just get struck by lighting?)Not only does this make you meaner and more vengeful than before but you also have posion seeping out of your tail. Oh...that was there before?
 
Sagitarius-During a routine visit to the Donkey Bar in Tiajauna which I can't go into detail about without getting flagged and removed from Facebook, you morph into a half human, half donkey hybrid with the sexual magnetism of a donkey and the human desire to plant your fat ass on the couch and watch TV.


Capricorn-When you stop following your moms advice about not eating before swimming, going out in the cold with wet hair, and sitting too close to the TV you will get a triple wammy of mutant qualities. Mostly super Swimmers ear, a powerful case of pneumonia and Fabulously poor vision.

Aquarius=Great Scott Aquarius, are you turning into Aquaman! Do you have super swimming powers? check! um....he could....well..he knew how to...um...what else could aquaman do? oh...can you talk to fish? really? your serious? I'm sorry. I mean...wow, yah, thats awesome. your turning into aquaman. I'm sure the doctors can do something about that. stop crying Aquarius. Please stop crying.


Pisces-It says here...thats can't be true. It is? This is just plain nuts. Apparently , Pisces, in a jealous fit over Aquarius getting the superpoweres ou feel were rightfully yours you try some wierd experiment at the aquarium to try and get your own super fish powers and become a fishy kinda super villain but you just get eaten by a really big Carp.

the porn version

Almost every movie and TV show of note gets a porn version made. Of porn parody's of my favorite shows haven't already been produced if like to help name them.

The Good MILF
How I Fucked Your Mother (obvious. I can do better than that)
Game of Boners
Masturbate Motel
The American Whores
Orange is the New Black Gang Bang (that sucks)
Sons of Sodomy

shift notes April 15

A customer and his ol' lady were just in. As he was buying about $100 worth of items he was telling me that he doesn't like Rush. He just sticks to crystal every now and then "I guess I got labeled a tweaker, but if they can have their pot I'll do what I like". If you keep spending like that you can do whatever you want sir

The guy we call George Washington was just in. He knows he isn't allowed on my shift and he came in and refused to leave. When I brought up that he was harassing one of the female employees he picked up a porn movie case and said "what's this? Where are we" meaning we are in a sex shop so what. Then he said that all women have a problem with him. He also denied being arrested at plaid pantry the other day and laughed and said it wasn't him when I showed him his picture in mug shots. He finally left when it was clear I wasn't going to serve him. I threatened to call the cops but was saving that as an absolute last resort because it's bad for business. Now I have to go soak the place in air freshener.

The titles on some of our new gay movies are hilarious. There's "bouncers vs dudes, cock hunter and breeder fever-the hottest kind of fever" as opposed to typhoid fever or yellow fever, I hear those fevers run pretty hot as well.. Also somebody is previewing a movie called "f-ed up hand jobs" where guys are tied up or asleep or something and evil hand job welding women take advantage and dare I say hand job rape them

Drunks and tweakers should not mix. Unfortunately they do every night about 230. Sometimes it takes a good pornclerk to keep a fight from breaking out

Shut your eyes. Imagine you are waking up on a white sandy beach in Hawaii. Smell the tropical flowers in bloom. Get a whiff of the pineapples and coconuts. So relaxing. What is that other smell just below the surface. I think a dead hooker has just washed ashore. Now open your eyes. Your in our bathroom and I've replaced the old air freshener with an airwick Hawaiian breeze

Two muscle bound ex marines were just in to use the rest room. Holy F. I've never seen more impressive assess in jeans. Freaking Frick

playing matchmaker

I am fucking awesome. I have a really cute really awesome bi curious customer who is always flirting with me. He says he will hook up with me as long as there's a girl there. And he is always asking me to send any hot girls back to the arcade even though I told him hot girls don't go back there. Anyway a hot young pregnant street girl/probably semi working girl that comes in wanted to use the phone. I asked her if she wanted to hook up with a hot bi guy. That's when he walked out and she said sure. They are back in a booth as we speak, although I declined to join. Not just because I'm working, but I'm afraid a threesome involving pregnant possibly high GIRL with a vagina could be the thing that is finally able to teach me shame. It probably wouldn't but I block out enough memories and something tells me pussy is too memorable for me

Like · 

shift notes for Friday April 4

I noticed an Asian man keeps looking at the penis extenders. I went so far as to tell him how popular they are but my ego won't let me lie and say that I've got one myself, even to make a sell

An empty plastic bag like the ones we keep magazines in was discovered in the bath room and I got a hot tip that an old guy in the back had a magazine and wasn't putting money in the booths... So I go charging back there and practically rip the magazine out of his hands ... And it's one of the free magazines from the front of the store.

I wouldn't be surprised if a few of our regulars started forwarding their mail here. I like the company, except when I don't. I don't think I could spend that much time here if I wasn't being paid for it. On second thought I know that I wouldn't.

Those long black trench coats... I think they are called dusters... Don't make you look cool. They make the porn clerk hide their money and start making an escape plan for when you open fire hoping there will be a pervert in the main store that they will focus on firstfirst

Someone just called to tell me they were bringing a friend in and asked me not to be a cock blocker. I don't know how much of that I can do from behind the counter but I'm gonna find out. (Evil laugh)
idn't have to do anything to cock block the regular who asked me not to. He brought in some straight boy who I assume is using him for his drugs and what little money he has. He's doing a pretty good job of cock blocking himselfhimself

If you walked into the porn shop just now you would have witnessed me and the drag queen performing the nasty shop glee with Journey's "Don't stop believing" turned up way loudloud

A really old gay native American is in here right now providing me a vision of what I hope I'm not like in 50 years. He's cool and everything, but I'm just going to use my social security money and buy a really good white whore once a month who has enough customer service skills to act like he's really into me

your horoscope for the week of April 6: see what the stars are saying behind your back

Aries-The Universe totally called you a slut! And you know a slut is just a whore that does it for free. Maybe you should at least think about bumming a cigarettes or getting bus fare as your getting kicked out of the next strange bed you wake up in. I once got $200 just to tell a guy how worthless he was and make him do my dishes. You could at least get enough for a super value meal at Wendy's for all the dirty, dirty things you do.
Taurus: If your one of those bulls who are ..lets say urine aficionado's be selective about whose pee you drink this week because random drug test are coming up at work soon. And there are few things more embarrassing than having to explain to your boss that you tested dirty for crack 'cuz you have this fetish for drinking pee and the guy you let piss in your mouth was a junkie monkey


GEMINI
I don't care what anyone says, I find you very pleasant and oh so easy to get along with. Some people are just intimidated by your presence and of course their jealous.

CancerFor fucks sake cancer, the sensitive man has been out since the 70's, and I'm pretty sure that was just an act to get as many groovy mama's into the water bed as possible. I think I speak for everyone when I ask you to just not have so many  feelings and emotions. Or at least keep them buried deep down inside your soul where I'm sure they will just stop existing never to resurface again. They certainly won't fester and grow causing you any sort of damage that might resurface in nightmarish ways.

LEO
Ok, Leo, you like to be center of attention...be careful what you wish for. As your walking down the aisle this week your late spouse arrives just as you say your I do's. Apparently your back from the dead ex has been kept prisoner underneath Paris....or was it something about amnesia. This is the General Hospital preview, right? oh...um sorry Leo. But I'm pretty clear somebody come back from the dead this week


Virgo-Word on the street is you're tight like a Virgin but whoreish like an Aries. call me.

Libra-Mom always says "Dont play ball in the house". Unless you want to break her favorite vase you would be wise to heed that advice.

Scorpio-Sex and Violence. Sex and Violence. Thats all i ever see for youScorpio. Your like a broken record. Well a broken record thats constantly having intense sex and plotting horrible vengeance.

Sagittarius:You will discover the true meaning of Christmas, unfortunatly its like 4 months too late and by now your friends and family all hate you
Aquarius:When you discover nobody likes you this week, and in fact everyone hates you, it forces you to go out in the garden and eat worms.
Capricorn...I never can tell you apart from the other signs so read the Aries paragraph dealing with your cheap and easy nature.

Pisces:

This week you'll discover the true meaning of Flag Day. It will change your life forever

shift notes 4/3/14

I hate it when customers come in and put down the store and think that's gonna make us friends or something. "This place is always dead" says the guy who looks like a third rate pimp ready to do a depends commercial. "Even if it was packed the chances of anybody being interested in you is slim" I wanted to say. His chances are probably better the less competition there is

A couple of guys walked into the arcade together and one of them left with somebody else.

I keep leaving my drink unattended only to come back to it to discover nobody has Even tried to slip me anything

I noticed an Asian man keeps looking at the penis extenders. I went so far as to tell him how popular they are but my ego won't let me lie and say that I've got one myself, even to make a sell

I don't know which I hate finding in the bathroom worse... Bloody bandage dressings or parts of syringes.. Doesn't matter I got them both so far this shift. Come on people! Be responsible with your drug use and don't be gross!

I'm really good at laughing and saying yeah when someone is telling me a story and I have no idea what they are saying. It's a skill I learned working at the nursing home

To everyone who just cleared out of the store to follow the really hot guy into the arcade without shame all I can say is good luck

looking for something for the girlfriend

A trio was in the other night exploring the shop. One guy was looking for a dildo to use for anal play with his girlfriend while he was having sex with her. I guess he has seen a few DP porn's and had a fantasy. She was there as well but completely uncomfortable taking about sex.I got the feeling they were high on coke, they seemed more like coke than method people. I tried to give them my best advice about first time anal sex, how important relaxing is, etc. He was actuallytoo high to actually listen, he just wanted to talk. I would have recommend poppers but we are no longer allowed to talk about the purpose people buy them for... They are only for removing nail polish or cleaning the head of your VCR now. 

     He wanted something about the same size as him... Guys usually don't want to get their girl a sex toy that dwarfs them. He was pretty proud of how big he was when he was showing me the size of dildo he wanted. Every man should be proud of their cock, and have a healthy relationship with it. That said, the size he said he was which he seemed to think was fairly big wasn't so big. It was average at best. A lot of straight guys who don't see a whole lot of other erect penises often have no idea where they fit compared to other guys. Many large guys think they are small and small guys think they are much bigger than other guys.

Like · 

product review:Phil Varone rock star ring

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

your only purpose is to be a whore

We have one of the blow up dolls at work wearing a set of bunny ears and panties for our easter sell. (20% off rabbit and egg vibes and 20% off pipes since Easter falls on 4:20 this year)
   With a regular egging me on I had a little fun with the Bunny Whore doll last night.
    By the way she is the barely legal doll who looks almost exactly like the couger doll, she just costs a little more presumably because of the age difference.

ABC's of janky sex- A

    I came across a bog I used to write years ago, and a lot of the posts were aex related... Big surprise. Anyway ,I had started a stores called the ABC's of janky sex that I never finished. I'm going to start reblogging them and attempt to finish it. FYI the reason the title says janky sex use because the name of my blog was janky B's Dive and I liked the name so I kept it.

     A is for Amsterdam Adventure:

 In March of 1997, at the age of 21, I spent 3 eye opening weeks in of the best places to have your eyes opened...Amsterdam, Netherlands. One destination on my itinerary that I will never forget even though I didn't take a single picture was Thermos Days (the daytime bathhouse...as opposed to Thermos Nights which I managed to check out as well.)

     This place was so unlike American bathhouses that the only thing they had in common was gay sex. 99% of you reading this probably never have and never will set foot in a bathhouse and at least 50% of you might not even know what one is. Basically its a building where gay and bi men can rent lockers or rooms, cruise the halls in just a towel and have sex. Many American establishments are sleazy "down low" type places where men hardly ever speak to each other and do most of their communicating with eye contact and body language. There is usually a porn room, a sauna, a dark maze(scary) with some being much nicer than others. Like everything there are exceptions, but for the most part these are not social places. In America that is. This joint in Amsterdam was like our rich, out of the closet second cousin, twice removed. It had a full bar where naked men socialized and bought each other drinks (you were given a number to clip on your towel to keep a tab). There was also a swimming pool on the first floor, along with the standard porn rooms and sauna's. The numerous floors above had small walk in closet size rooms that were padded with the kind of floor mats gymnasts use and that you could duck into with anybody you liked to do anything you liked. There were also private rooms if you wanted to pay for them. Oh, and did I mention the gym, hair stylist, tanning salon and restaurant that were also available. And to make the place complete there were incredibly hot men of all types representing countries from all over the world. I met with a representative from quite a few European countries as well as Brazil on that unforgettable day of culture shock.(that's the classy way of saying I fucked my way around most of western Europe that night.

    I also happened to meet a very charging Dutch gentleman who I went ended up staying with for the rest of my time there. 

I want to be gang banged by Earth's mightiest hero's!

For all the super villains I've given it up for its about time karma sent a few super hero's my way. Instead of collecting stamps or souvenir spoons from each state i'm going to start collecting comic book character sec toys. We have the spider man dildo at my work and I've almost made an impulse purchase of it many times. It's actually a little smaller than what I've imagined Peter parkers cock being... Yeah I've imagined what my friendly neighborhood spider man's dick.
  I don't have to think twice to know I want that angry green monster cock to start my collection. And yes I think I would like you when your angry.