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Thursday, April 24, 2014
who the bleep pays for porn?
Sometime last week a customer brought two DVDs to the counter. There didn't seem to be anything special about them. One was an all black gay gang bang, which we don't have many of and the other looked like your typical non dress decrepit gay porn. Just normal fucking. No special kinks. No water sports or bondage.I don't even think it was bareback. What stood out for me was the price. They were each $60. That some isn't unusual, but the fact that he would be willing to spend $120 on two movies was.
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Most of the porn that we actually sell is probably the four hour compilations for $7.95 or 4 for $20. There are many other movies for up to $80 but most people either rent out preview those. Customers rarely fork over that kind of cash. I even wonder why anybody would buy the cheap porn. Has nobody told them about the internet? I could believe that 1\4 of our customers have lived in recluse since 1988 and only venture out to get enough fuck flicks to sustain them for the winter. And if you told me a big chuck of our little pervs started doing drugs heavily in the early 80's and have been stuck in a Reagan administration time warp ever since I wouldn't argue with you. Just glancing at one of my regulars with the same perm Anthony Geary rocked so hard as during the Luke and Laura days of General Hospital proves that point. I know not everyone has a computer or smart phone, but plenty of guys that do still buy porn.
I have an app on my tablet that let's me watch the full versions of most any porn I'm looking for without even downloading it (it's called my vidster, your welcome). I've searched for review of local Thai restaurants and found myself neck deep in Asian tranny cream pie videos. Is the internet, porn is all around. You can't miss it.
Speaking for myself I'm usually fast forwarding through even the good stuff and I can't remember when I watched the same movie twice... Not when there is a never ending supply vying for my attention.
I'm grateful there are still people out there who still seek out and pay for a hard copy of the latest Belladonna movie. I just don't understand why.
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Most of the porn that we actually sell is probably the four hour compilations for $7.95 or 4 for $20. There are many other movies for up to $80 but most people either rent out preview those. Customers rarely fork over that kind of cash. I even wonder why anybody would buy the cheap porn. Has nobody told them about the internet? I could believe that 1\4 of our customers have lived in recluse since 1988 and only venture out to get enough fuck flicks to sustain them for the winter. And if you told me a big chuck of our little pervs started doing drugs heavily in the early 80's and have been stuck in a Reagan administration time warp ever since I wouldn't argue with you. Just glancing at one of my regulars with the same perm Anthony Geary rocked so hard as during the Luke and Laura days of General Hospital proves that point. I know not everyone has a computer or smart phone, but plenty of guys that do still buy porn.
I have an app on my tablet that let's me watch the full versions of most any porn I'm looking for without even downloading it (it's called my vidster, your welcome). I've searched for review of local Thai restaurants and found myself neck deep in Asian tranny cream pie videos. Is the internet, porn is all around. You can't miss it.
Speaking for myself I'm usually fast forwarding through even the good stuff and I can't remember when I watched the same movie twice... Not when there is a never ending supply vying for my attention.
I'm grateful there are still people out there who still seek out and pay for a hard copy of the latest Belladonna movie. I just don't understand why.
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Wednesday, April 23, 2014
your super powered horoscope
its time for a
All Super powered Astrological Extravaganza!!
Aries- After one too many x-rays from the janky back alley dentist you insist on going to your body will start to go through some amazing changes. The little bunny tail that doctors removed when you were a baby regrows fluffier and hoppier than ever and those horns your parents tried to saw off grow powerful and majestic. Combine that with your super ego and your almost a super hero. It will kind of kill your sex live though, unless you want to sleep with those freaks that find your bunny tail hot.
Taurus- In a freak cooking accident you will be infused with the power of 1000 garlic cloves which gives you the power of pretty much clearing out any room that you walk into.
Gemini- You start to think somethings a little off when you begin waking up wearing what looks like Dolly Partons Wardrobe and Wigs. The fact that your sharing your bed with groups of strange men is kind of suspicious as well. But you can't ignore the hundreds of Cher, Gloria Gaynor and Helen Reddy songs that are downloaded on your computer. It can only mean one thing. You have developed another personality which is obviously a drag queen with awful taste. You can tell by the quality of men lying next to you every morning. You soon find out its not an ordinary drag queen, but one with superpowers, including super no smear lip gloss and amazing powers to make others feel bad about themselves.
Cancer-your already super emotional and a super dirty slut. Now you want super powers?
Leo-A run in with a a radioactive Lion leaves you with a super human roar, a huge mane of super conditioned hair and one less arm than you started with. You form the Super Villain Elks Club of Doom and start recruiting other villains just as lame as you are.
Virgo- You finally put your super sex drive and knack for picking up the more minor STD's to good use when Lion Person (you may be super villain but your gender neutral for the sake of PC)recruits you to join his villain Club. With your army of crabs, scabies and for some reason ducks will take over the world. Or at least a few sex clubs.Watch out world..here comes Super Tramp!!
Libra-During a routine drug deal you accidentally smoke some radio-active (radio-active again? really?) pot giving you the ability to be Super Stoned for long periods of time, leaving you in a pretty good mood, but a major suck ass at either fighting or causing much crime.
Scorpio- During a school field trip you are bitten by a radioactive scorpion (For real, no more radioactivity, dude. Can't someone just get struck by lighting?)Not only does this make you meaner and more vengeful than before but you also have posion seeping out of your tail. Oh...that was there before?
Sagitarius-During a routine visit to the Donkey Bar in Tiajauna which I can't go into detail about without getting flagged and removed from Facebook, you morph into a half human, half donkey hybrid with the sexual magnetism of a donkey and the human desire to plant your fat ass on the couch and watch TV.
Capricorn-When you stop following your moms advice about not eating before swimming, going out in the cold with wet hair, and sitting too close to the TV you will get a triple wammy of mutant qualities. Mostly super Swimmers ear, a powerful case of pneumonia and Fabulously poor vision.
Aquarius=Great Scott Aquarius, are you turning into Aquaman! Do you have super swimming powers? check! um....he could....well..he knew how to...um...what else could aquaman do? oh...can you talk to fish? really? your serious? I'm sorry. I mean...wow, yah, thats awesome. your turning into aquaman. I'm sure the doctors can do something about that. stop crying Aquarius. Please stop crying.
Pisces-It says here...thats can't be true. It is? This is just plain nuts. Apparently , Pisces, in a jealous fit over Aquarius getting the superpoweres ou feel were rightfully yours you try some wierd experiment at the aquarium to try and get your own super fish powers and become a fishy kinda super villain but you just get eaten by a really big Carp.
the porn version
Almost every movie and TV show of note gets a porn version made. Of porn parody's of my favorite shows haven't already been produced if like to help name them.
The Good MILF
How I Fucked Your Mother (obvious. I can do better than that)
Game of Boners
Masturbate Motel
The American Whores
Orange is the New Black Gang Bang (that sucks)
Sons of Sodomy
The Good MILF
How I Fucked Your Mother (obvious. I can do better than that)
Game of Boners
Masturbate Motel
The American Whores
Orange is the New Black Gang Bang (that sucks)
Sons of Sodomy
shift notes April 15
A customer and his ol' lady were just in. As he was buying about $100 worth of items he was telling me that he doesn't like Rush. He just sticks to crystal every now and then "I guess I got labeled a tweaker, but if they can have their pot I'll do what I like". If you keep spending like that you can do whatever you want sir
The guy we call George Washington was just in. He knows he isn't allowed on my shift and he came in and refused to leave. When I brought up that he was harassing one of the female employees he picked up a porn movie case and said "what's this? Where are we" meaning we are in a sex shop so what. Then he said that all women have a problem with him. He also denied being arrested at plaid pantry the other day and laughed and said it wasn't him when I showed him his picture in mug shots. He finally left when it was clear I wasn't going to serve him. I threatened to call the cops but was saving that as an absolute last resort because it's bad for business. Now I have to go soak the place in air freshener.
The titles on some of our new gay movies are hilarious. There's "bouncers vs dudes, cock hunter and breeder fever-the hottest kind of fever" as opposed to typhoid fever or yellow fever, I hear those fevers run pretty hot as well.. Also somebody is previewing a movie called "f-ed up hand jobs" where guys are tied up or asleep or something and evil hand job welding women take advantage and dare I say hand job rape them
Drunks and tweakers should not mix. Unfortunately they do every night about 230. Sometimes it takes a good pornclerk to keep a fight from breaking out
Shut your eyes. Imagine you are waking up on a white sandy beach in Hawaii. Smell the tropical flowers in bloom. Get a whiff of the pineapples and coconuts. So relaxing. What is that other smell just below the surface. I think a dead hooker has just washed ashore. Now open your eyes. Your in our bathroom and I've replaced the old air freshener with an airwick Hawaiian breeze
Two muscle bound ex marines were just in to use the rest room. Holy F. I've never seen more impressive assess in jeans. Freaking Frick
The guy we call George Washington was just in. He knows he isn't allowed on my shift and he came in and refused to leave. When I brought up that he was harassing one of the female employees he picked up a porn movie case and said "what's this? Where are we" meaning we are in a sex shop so what. Then he said that all women have a problem with him. He also denied being arrested at plaid pantry the other day and laughed and said it wasn't him when I showed him his picture in mug shots. He finally left when it was clear I wasn't going to serve him. I threatened to call the cops but was saving that as an absolute last resort because it's bad for business. Now I have to go soak the place in air freshener.
The titles on some of our new gay movies are hilarious. There's "bouncers vs dudes, cock hunter and breeder fever-the hottest kind of fever" as opposed to typhoid fever or yellow fever, I hear those fevers run pretty hot as well.. Also somebody is previewing a movie called "f-ed up hand jobs" where guys are tied up or asleep or something and evil hand job welding women take advantage and dare I say hand job rape them
Drunks and tweakers should not mix. Unfortunately they do every night about 230. Sometimes it takes a good pornclerk to keep a fight from breaking out
Shut your eyes. Imagine you are waking up on a white sandy beach in Hawaii. Smell the tropical flowers in bloom. Get a whiff of the pineapples and coconuts. So relaxing. What is that other smell just below the surface. I think a dead hooker has just washed ashore. Now open your eyes. Your in our bathroom and I've replaced the old air freshener with an airwick Hawaiian breeze
Two muscle bound ex marines were just in to use the rest room. Holy F. I've never seen more impressive assess in jeans. Freaking Frick
playing matchmaker
I am fucking awesome. I have a really cute really awesome bi curious customer who is always flirting with me. He says he will hook up with me as long as there's a girl there. And he is always asking me to send any hot girls back to the arcade even though I told him hot girls don't go back there. Anyway a hot young pregnant street girl/probably semi working girl that comes in wanted to use the phone. I asked her if she wanted to hook up with a hot bi guy. That's when he walked out and she said sure. They are back in a booth as we speak, although I declined to join. Not just because I'm working, but I'm afraid a threesome involving pregnant possibly high GIRL with a vagina could be the thing that is finally able to teach me shame. It probably wouldn't but I block out enough memories and something tells me pussy is too memorable for me
Sunday, April 6, 2014
shift notes for Friday April 4
I noticed an Asian man keeps looking at the penis extenders. I went so far as to tell him how popular they are but my ego won't let me lie and say that I've got one myself, even to make a sell
An empty plastic bag like the ones we keep magazines in was discovered in the bath room and I got a hot tip that an old guy in the back had a magazine and wasn't putting money in the booths... So I go charging back there and practically rip the magazine out of his hands ... And it's one of the free magazines from the front of the store.
I wouldn't be surprised if a few of our regulars started forwarding their mail here. I like the company, except when I don't. I don't think I could spend that much time here if I wasn't being paid for it. On second thought I know that I wouldn't.
Those long black trench coats... I think they are called dusters... Don't make you look cool. They make the porn clerk hide their money and start making an escape plan for when you open fire hoping there will be a pervert in the main store that they will focus on firstfirst
Someone just called to tell me they were bringing a friend in and asked me not to be a cock blocker. I don't know how much of that I can do from behind the counter but I'm gonna find out. (Evil laugh)
idn't have to do anything to cock block the regular who asked me not to. He brought in some straight boy who I assume is using him for his drugs and what little money he has. He's doing a pretty good job of cock blocking himselfhimself
If you walked into the porn shop just now you would have witnessed me and the drag queen performing the nasty shop glee with Journey's "Don't stop believing" turned up way loudloud
A really old gay native American is in here right now providing me a vision of what I hope I'm not like in 50 years. He's cool and everything, but I'm just going to use my social security money and buy a really good white whore once a month who has enough customer service skills to act like he's really into me
An empty plastic bag like the ones we keep magazines in was discovered in the bath room and I got a hot tip that an old guy in the back had a magazine and wasn't putting money in the booths... So I go charging back there and practically rip the magazine out of his hands ... And it's one of the free magazines from the front of the store.
I wouldn't be surprised if a few of our regulars started forwarding their mail here. I like the company, except when I don't. I don't think I could spend that much time here if I wasn't being paid for it. On second thought I know that I wouldn't.
Those long black trench coats... I think they are called dusters... Don't make you look cool. They make the porn clerk hide their money and start making an escape plan for when you open fire hoping there will be a pervert in the main store that they will focus on firstfirst
Someone just called to tell me they were bringing a friend in and asked me not to be a cock blocker. I don't know how much of that I can do from behind the counter but I'm gonna find out. (Evil laugh)
idn't have to do anything to cock block the regular who asked me not to. He brought in some straight boy who I assume is using him for his drugs and what little money he has. He's doing a pretty good job of cock blocking himselfhimself
If you walked into the porn shop just now you would have witnessed me and the drag queen performing the nasty shop glee with Journey's "Don't stop believing" turned up way loudloud
A really old gay native American is in here right now providing me a vision of what I hope I'm not like in 50 years. He's cool and everything, but I'm just going to use my social security money and buy a really good white whore once a month who has enough customer service skills to act like he's really into me
your horoscope for the week of April 6: see what the stars are saying behind your back
Aries-The Universe totally called you a slut! And you know a slut is just a whore that does it for free. Maybe you should at least think about bumming a cigarettes or getting bus fare as your getting kicked out of the next strange bed you wake up in. I once got $200 just to tell a guy how worthless he was and make him do my dishes. You could at least get enough for a super value meal at Wendy's for all the dirty, dirty things you do.
Taurus: If your one of those bulls who are ..lets say urine aficionado's be selective about whose pee you drink this week because random drug test are coming up at work soon. And there are few things more embarrassing than having to explain to your boss that you tested dirty for crack 'cuz you have this fetish for drinking pee and the guy you let piss in your mouth was a junkie monkey
GEMINI
I don't care what anyone says, I find you very pleasant and oh so easy to get along with. Some people are just intimidated by your presence and of course their jealous.
CancerFor fucks sake cancer, the sensitive man has been out since the 70's, and I'm pretty sure that was just an act to get as many groovy mama's into the water bed as possible. I think I speak for everyone when I ask you to just not have so many feelings and emotions. Or at least keep them buried deep down inside your soul where I'm sure they will just stop existing never to resurface again. They certainly won't fester and grow causing you any sort of damage that might resurface in nightmarish ways.
LEO
Ok, Leo, you like to be center of attention...be careful what you wish for. As your walking down the aisle this week your late spouse arrives just as you say your I do's. Apparently your back from the dead ex has been kept prisoner underneath Paris....or was it something about amnesia. This is the General Hospital preview, right? oh...um sorry Leo. But I'm pretty clear somebody come back from the dead this week
Virgo-Word on the street is you're tight like a Virgin but whoreish like an Aries. call me.
Scorpio-Sex and Violence. Sex and Violence. Thats all i ever see for youScorpio. Your like a broken record. Well a broken record thats constantly having intense sex and plotting horrible vengeance.
Sagittarius:You will discover the true meaning of Christmas, unfortunatly its like 4 months too late and by now your friends and family all hate you
Aquarius:When you discover nobody likes you this week, and in fact everyone hates you, it forces you to go out in the garden and eat worms.
Capricorn...I never can tell you apart from the other signs so read the Aries paragraph dealing with your cheap and easy nature.
Pisces:
Taurus: If your one of those bulls who are ..lets say urine aficionado's be selective about whose pee you drink this week because random drug test are coming up at work soon. And there are few things more embarrassing than having to explain to your boss that you tested dirty for crack 'cuz you have this fetish for drinking pee and the guy you let piss in your mouth was a junkie monkey
GEMINI
I don't care what anyone says, I find you very pleasant and oh so easy to get along with. Some people are just intimidated by your presence and of course their jealous.
CancerFor fucks sake cancer, the sensitive man has been out since the 70's, and I'm pretty sure that was just an act to get as many groovy mama's into the water bed as possible. I think I speak for everyone when I ask you to just not have so many feelings and emotions. Or at least keep them buried deep down inside your soul where I'm sure they will just stop existing never to resurface again. They certainly won't fester and grow causing you any sort of damage that might resurface in nightmarish ways.
LEO
Ok, Leo, you like to be center of attention...be careful what you wish for. As your walking down the aisle this week your late spouse arrives just as you say your I do's. Apparently your back from the dead ex has been kept prisoner underneath Paris....or was it something about amnesia. This is the General Hospital preview, right? oh...um sorry Leo. But I'm pretty clear somebody come back from the dead this week
Virgo-Word on the street is you're tight like a Virgin but whoreish like an Aries. call me.
Libra-Mom always says "Dont play ball in the house". Unless you want to break her favorite vase you would be wise to heed that advice.
Scorpio-Sex and Violence. Sex and Violence. Thats all i ever see for youScorpio. Your like a broken record. Well a broken record thats constantly having intense sex and plotting horrible vengeance.
Sagittarius:You will discover the true meaning of Christmas, unfortunatly its like 4 months too late and by now your friends and family all hate you
Aquarius:When you discover nobody likes you this week, and in fact everyone hates you, it forces you to go out in the garden and eat worms.
Capricorn...I never can tell you apart from the other signs so read the Aries paragraph dealing with your cheap and easy nature.
Pisces:
This week you'll discover the true meaning of Flag Day. It will change your life forever
Friday, April 4, 2014
shift notes 4/3/14
A couple of guys walked into the arcade together and one of them left with somebody else.
I keep leaving my drink unattended only to come back to it to discover nobody has Even tried to slip me anything
I noticed an Asian man keeps looking at the penis extenders. I went so far as to tell him how popular they are but my ego won't let me lie and say that I've got one myself, even to make a sell
I don't know which I hate finding in the bathroom worse... Bloody bandage dressings or parts of syringes.. Doesn't matter I got them both so far this shift. Come on people! Be responsible with your drug use and don't be gross!
I'm really good at laughing and saying yeah when someone is telling me a story and I have no idea what they are saying. It's a skill I learned working at the nursing home
To everyone who just cleared out of the store to follow the really hot guy into the arcade without shame all I can say is good luck
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